it wasn't lemon gatorade
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
