So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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