first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
