I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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