ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My vagina just clenched in fear
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
