i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
