this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
