Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
