Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
