I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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