My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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