it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
