If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
