Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
