Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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