I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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