Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
