oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
