Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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