Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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