ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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