Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
