fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
