She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
