Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
