boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize