I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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