he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
