It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
