you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
