can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's official drugs can't kill me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
