White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
