how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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