Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
