3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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