I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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