go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
