3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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