i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
