sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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