It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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