I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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