Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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