we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
send nudes
from the living room?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
