Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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