nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize