So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
