I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
