Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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