they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
