She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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