so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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