Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
