you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
