Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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