i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
