operation harelip BJ is a go
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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