So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
A+ Viking dick
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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