Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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