Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize