Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I see more hoeing in ur future
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