We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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