then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How external is "for external use only"?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize