just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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