he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
