I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
