Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
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