I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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