I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
