I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
