Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
