i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
