you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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