i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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