that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
