i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
