I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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