Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
